"If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all"

We live in an evil and a corrupt world. In the last couple weeks on the news we've seen a man walk into a mall in Oregon and shot up more than 60 rounds, that killed two people. About a week before that we heard that Kansas City Chief's player, Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend, who was also the mother of his 3 month old daughter, and than drove to the stadium thanked his coaches for what they had done for him and than took his own life. In September, a girl was raped in UNA's parking deck. In Chicago's gangs this year alone there have been 2300 shootings and close to 500 murders. More than Los Angeles and New York combined. In July, a man killed 12 people and injured more than 50 people in a movie theater. And just when we think it couldn't get any worse, it does. I woke up today to the worst of all news stories. A father in his twenties had gone into an elementary school in Connecticut and killed 20 KINDERGARTNERS and five others.

How can a person be that cold hearted? That's 20 children Santa won't visit this year. Twenty children who will never learn the truth about Santa Clause. Sweet innocent babies who will never learn how to color inside the lines, learn how to ride a bike without training wheels, learn how to add or subtract. They will never read a chapter book. Their parents will never have grandchildren. They will never get to see their child graduate from high school, graduate from college, get married, or become parents. Those parents probably had already bought the christmas presents for their sweet children. Now, they will never get to see those huge smiles when those gifts would have been opened on Christmas day.

I will graduate in May and be qualified to teach preschoolers. In none of my classes that I've studied to learn about the development of sweet babies just a little younger than those lives who were taken today, did it ever occur to me to worry about what to do if a lunatic like that man were to walk into my classroom. In looking at potential places to start my career after graduation, I have taken into consideration such things as the price of living; crime rates relating to bank robberies, drugs, and even shootings such as those at Columbine, Northern Illinois University, UAH, and the one on the military base. But, never ever had I thought I would have to fear somebody walking into my classroom and killing the students many parents will entrust to me. 

We should all cherish the Christmas season this year. Most of us will get to see our families and may get to do some traveling this season. We may take our families for granted, they may get on our nerves sometimes. But, at least we have them. This time of year always makes me miss my grandfather, and how fun he made Christmas for the 14 years I got to celebrate with him and the rest of my family.

"An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life."

Budget cuts in the last few years has become the blame for cutting music and arts in public schools. And thanks to programs like "No Child Left Behind" and reaching Academic Yearly Progress schools are more concerned about whether the students pass the standardized tests instead of if they actually learn something. And now schools are starting to replace textbooks and teaching with laptops. They're even giving students their own laptops. One school in this area is using iPads instead of textbooks this year. And another entire school system has gone completely to teaching with laptops instead of textbooks. They're starting this with students as young as fourth grade all the way through twelfth grade. 

Now, let's think about this for a minute. By learning on a computer, a child doesn't even really have to even think about what they're suppose to be learning. I mean, anything can be found on the internet. The computer does all the thinking. There was a story about how the new laptops are progressing with the beginning of the school year. They let one of the students comment. She said "The computer is so much better at thinking, it's better than just using paper." My immediate thought was, "the computer is thinking for you, you don't even know how you are getting the result to your problem." This is putting the product; the end result; before the process; how they found their solution. If a child doesn't know how he or she found their result than what have they learned? What is the purpose of school if a genius like a computer or the internet is going to do all the thinking for you? A student needs to know how they found their answer to really understand what they're learning. Also, a student doesn't really learn stuff like research until about sixth or seventh grade. Therefore, if a child has a laptop as their textbook, they're not going to know what a reliable source is and they will try to find answers to their problems on places like Google or Wikipedia. 

When budgets were cut around the 1970s or 1980s schools had to find ways to stay on budget. To do that, many schools started cutting programs like music and art. All forms of artistic expression such as painting, literature, music, and drama depend on critical thinking to the highest degree. Schools are stripping our children of their cognitivie/critical skills. They are not learning to think for themselves. 

What happened to the fundamentals? Are students learning things like where and why do we need commas? Or why does 5 x 5 = 25? Convergent thinking is when there is only a single answer or solution to a question or problem. Divergent thinking opens things up and results in many answers to a single question. Many times in school a teacher may give partial credit on a solution like a math problem even if they got it wrong. They may give partial credit because they show how they got the answer, and the teacher sees that they understand the concept that he or she had been trying to teach them. But, most teachers stress convergent thinking. Just think how many have had a teacher who gave you a not so desirable grade on an assignment because it's not what THEY were looking for? To them, there is only one solution. Or how many teachers give an assignment like a book report or a research paper and then failed you or your child because you or they did it in the form of say a board game or they acted it out instead of in the traditional form of a paper printed out? 

I may sound old fashioned, but I want my children to learn the fundamentals. I want them to be able to think for themselves. To know what matters to them and why it's so important. Until recently I really had no desire to ever homeschool my children. But, if there are no textbooks by the time I become a mother and by the time those children start school that's exactly what I will be doing. Because not only are children not learning how to think but many of these students will probably have health problems such as carpal tunnel or impaired vision before they graduate high school. I do not think it is okay for an eight year old to be on a computer for eight hours a day. I didn't get my first laptop until I graduated high school six years ago. Just six years ago, and I already have to limit the time I do work on the computer because my hands get to aching.

"It's hard to beat a person who never gives up."

School is not universal. Yes, from Kindergarten to High School graduation, all students do study the same subjects. But, not all students learn at the same level or at the same pace. Some students can never crack a book and still leave High School with a 4.0 grade point average. And some students have to take notes of almost every word the teacher says and do constant countless hours of studying just to keep their head above water. It doesn't mean that one student is necessarily smarter than the other. It just means they learn differently.

Even as young as preschool, or even infants, we think children should reach certain milestones by a certain age. Each child has his or her own timetable and should not ever be compared to another child. No two children are exactly alike.

I was the latter group of students growing up. I've never been really good when it came to school. All through my primary grades I had to work my butt off, and my best work never got straight A's. It just didn't come easy to me like it did to other people. And it took me almost 6 years to figure of college to figure out what I really wanted to do. It wasn't until then that I figured out what I actually enjoyed studying.

Today, I reached a new milestone. A milestone that took 20 years of school to accomplish. Today, I found out that I made straight A's for the classes I took this summer. I've never made straight A's before. My sister made straight A's all through school. But, I had to try at my work. It didn't come as easy for me as it did for her. 

It just goes to show you, when you find something you're interested in anything is possible. With effort, no matter how smart you are or how easy it comes to him or her. Stick to it, do your best, never give up!

"This is the stuff that drives me crazy....This is the stuff You use"

For about three months I have been trying to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. It's a decision nobody else can make for me. I can ask for advice from others to hear their point of view. But, ultimately the decision is up to me. The decision will be determined by what God tells me.

The deadline for this decision is looming closer. And as the deadline nears I get more scared and more stressed. I'm scared I won't make the right decision. A part of me is scared the outcome I want won't be the right outcome. I have heard one additional viewpoint. And as time gets closer it is very obvious how they feel . Usually, it doesn't bother me that I don't have friends here. Because unlike most of the residents in this town I don't plan to live here for the next sixty or seventy years. I do not want to raise my children here. This is a beautiful town. With beautiful scenes filled with God's presence. But there are 49 other states in this country. And I don't want to be somewhere just because it's safe. Or because I know the people in the town. But here lately, I have wished desperately I had somebody to talk to. Somebody to confirm I'm doing the right thing. Somebody who can look at the situation objectively without biases.

Until last week everything seemed so up in the air. And than last Friday things started to fall into place. At least I thought they were starting to fall into place. Now, I'm not so sure. And, I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to feel pressured into one decision. But I don't want to feel like I'm doing this out of defiance. I want to do the right thing.

I thought I had felt God's peace assuring me of what He wanted me to do. But, God hasn't provided the last piece of the puzzle. The piece that will give me a way to support a way to live. A job. There are no words to describe how stressful this process has been. This is not a "I'm stressed about one or two classes in school". No, this is one decision with about 10 "sub decisions". And it really annoys me when somebody tries to put school on the same level as this. It's a whole different ball game.

I hope that peace I feel is not just me wanting it a certain way. I hope that really is God's peace. I hope that last piece of the puzzle shows up before August 15.

"To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater."

When we are young, our families teach us the golden rule. We are taught to treat others as we would want to be treated. But do we forget that as we get older? God commands us not to conform to the ways of this world.

"Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, perfect will of God." Romans 12:2 

God tells us here not to conform to the ways of the world. But I also think He is telling us not to conform to what others think of us or expect of us. Everybody is different. God created all of us differently. Whether it's a cultural difference, an economic difference, or simply maybe just a difference in keeping house. Not everybody  We shouldn't feel pressured to conform to the ways of our peers or feel guilty for doing things differently.

Close to 200 years or more ago all of our ancestors immigrated to America from somewhere else. Yet, we act like it is wrong for people today to move here from different countries. We act like they should conform to our culture. Yes, we should be able to communicate with them. But we should also encourage them not to abandon their culture. Actually why don't we go the extra mile and be willing to learn about their culture.

That is not the only cultural difference though. Cultural differences also include background differences, economical differences, and geographical differences. Geographical differences doesn't necessarily mean they are from a different country. A geographical difference could be the difference between New York and Tennessee. Or a geographical difference could just be two different parts of town. But that is still no reason to judge or look down on someone.

As a student studying to teach infants through preschoolers I know there is no chance that all the children I will teach will be the same. Does that mean I should expect them to agree with what I believe and do things exactly as I do them? No, I should respect their differences and be willing to learn about why they do things the way they do. Families should feel comfortable with me teaching their children. And, even to those children whose native country is different from mine, I should be willing to learn about their country and their home language.

Do we judge and look down on others who are different from us? Do we expect others to agree with our views? Why? We're all humans. Ever since the tower of Babble humans have spoken different languages and  shared different perceptions. By looking down on others we are not showing God's love to others. No matter where a person grew up, what kind of home life they had, what their economic status is, what their education level is, or what they believe they still deserve our respect. God created them, just as He created us. What has happened to the golden rule?

"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it"

Most everybody today are very self conscious about their appearance. Media tells us today that we are supposed to look like a barbie doll or anorexic skinny. We are also told our skin has to be perfect also.

When I was growing up there a lot that was expected of me for how I was suppose to dress and look. As a preacher's kid I was expected to look perfect. I was expected to wear a dress every Sunday whether I liked it or not.When my skin started breaking out as most peoples skin does at some point in their life, a family member tried to tell me it was time for me to start wearing makeup. I had no interest in wearing makeup. To this day, at 24 years of age, I still have no interest in wearing makeup. I have no interest in makeup because I don't want to feel like I am trying to cover something up. Because I don't want to worry about beauty on the outside. God already thinks we're beautiful. Why should we have to please humans? Why should we try to live up to their standards or expectations?

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

"Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." Psalm 34:5

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

" But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

 God created us. To him, we are already beautiful. If we're good enough for God, shouldn't that be enough?
So why do we think we have to please others? Shouldn't we be confident in who we are? And not only confident in what we look like but confident in our relationship with God as well. God's opinion is the only one that matters.

Do you feel confident in your body? Do you feel beautiful? You should. God made you. Therefore you are gorgeous. God knew what you would like before your grandparents were even born. He knew if you would be tall or short. He knew how you would be built. He even knew what your insecurities would be. He made you you for a reason. You are beautiful inside and out.

 

 

"Education is the movement from darkness to light"

I started back to school after taking a year off this week. After taking a year off I feel as if I have learned a lot and grown from being out of school. I now feel like high school graduates are too young to go to college right away. That's my personal opinion. When a student graduates from high school they have no idea what they're getting into when they start college. Students that didn't have to study in high school think they can get by in college the same way they did in high school. They are in for a surprise when they realize how much of a workload is involved in college classes. Students are also more motivated to have a social life than to go to class or to study. I'm speaking from experience. I am starting my sixth year of college studying my fifth major. I struggled in high school. School didn't come easy for me. Four days after I graduated high school I started my first day of college. It didn't even sink in that I had graduated from high school. And I definitely wasn't motivated to study while studying core classes. Core classes just felt like high school all over again. I wasn't ready for college. I wasn't ready for the workload.

After taking a year off I have learned to be grateful for my education. I have finally found a course of study that I enjoy. For the first time in more than four years I am actually motivated to study. The workload is a heavy one. But it's information that I enjoy studying. An education is something to treasure and be proud of, it is not something to take lightly. Everybody has the right to earn an education. But not everybody has the means to an education. So find an area of study that you enjoy and a career that will make you excited to get up in the morning. Treasure the privilege of an education and career.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes"

I've been to Disney World twice this year. I went with my family in February, and I went by myself last week. One of my best friends did the Disney College Program after she graduated in December 2010. After she graduated she started as a seasonal employee.


During the first four years I was in college I constantly questioned what I was suppose to do after college. I changed my major four times. And after taking a year off I am getting ready to start back while studying my fifth major. Yes, you read that correctly, my fifth major.

In May 2009, God told me he wanted me to make an impact in the lives of kids while I worked as a summer counselor at a missions camp for 3rd through 6th grade girls. For two years after that the 4th through 6th grade girls touched my heart. I hope I had as much of an impact on them as their sweet smiling faces had on me. In March 2011, God put a passion on my heart to make an impact on the lives of toddlers and their families. Now, God is showing me a new passion.

There have been a numerous occasions this year where I have seen what might be described as signs from God. We joke sometimes about how we wish God would just send us a neon sign of what we're supposed to do. Well, if God sent you a neon sign would you recognize it or would it just seem like a coincidence to you? I have experience two neon signs this year. The first was in March when I went to visit some family close to the Gulf. I was shopping when I ran into a photographer. I showed him my Nikon and we talked for a while. He gave me some really great tips and encouraged me to continue following my dream and reminded me that achieving my dream won't happen overnight. The second sign came while I was visiting my best friend in Florida last week. While there I went to see her mom's house. While there I noticed that her step dad had antique cameras in their living room. I found out that he was also a photographer.I've wanted to be a photographer since I was in 9th grade.

And now, it seems like God is showing me how I can be a photographer and have an impact on kids lives at the same time. Both times I was at Disney World this year I got jealous of the Photopass Photographers. Because I think they have the greatest job in the world. They get to take pictures of kids with characters, families in front of various parts of the parks, families in the restaurants, and pretty much all over the parks. They may not realize that but by doing that they make the day better for each family that they take pictures of by preserving moments of the family's trip. Both times I was there this year it seemed like I never got tired of all the kids. When I was there last week there were a few times when I felt like I was gonna step on a few cause the park was so crowded. But I still found myself smiling at their joy. Little kids dressed as various characters. Kids taking in the magic and overcome with excitement.

While I was at Disney in February with my family my dad asked me if I would like to be a Photopass Photographer. Now, my dad has never been one to show support for me wanting to be a photographer. Ever since I was in high school he would tell me how I can't live off of a photographer's salary. That I wouldn't make enough and would have to have a second job. So, I was very surprised when he asked if I would want to be a Photopass Photographer. And I was even more surprised when he said that if I were a Photopass Photographer I would never have to work another job again.

I say all that to say I want to be a Disney Photopass Photographer. So, I will spend the next year and a half researching Disney. After I graduate next December I will hopefully do the Disney College Program. And after I graduate from the program, I want to work my way up to Photopass Photographer.

"I just wanna hold you close, but so far all I have are dreams for you."

Who knew you could learn something while spending a day at Disney World? This week I visited one of my best friends in Orlando, Florida. I went to Disney World one day while I was there. This was my second trip to Disney World this year. I also went to Disney World in February.  I know I've rode roller coasters before. I just never know if I will like them or not until I ride them. And some of them I even  liked. I know I've rode Batman and Superman at Six Flags and got a total adrenal rush. While there in February my friend made me ride Everest in Animal Kingdom.This time I rode Space Mountain. I wasn't a fan of either one of them. I realized something this time while I was riding Space Mountain. I think I would enjoy the roller coasters more with somebody who is patient with me and will hold my hand during the ride.

Where is my Prince Charming? Where is that glorious man who will encourage me to face my fears? 

Everything is a lot more fun when you have somebody to share it with. Whether it something you wouldn't usually enjoy or something that's one of your most dear passions.

My Prince Charming may not be a fan of photography, but I know he will encourage me to pursue my dreams. He will support my love for photography. I know he will love the Lord and have a heart for following His plan. That's the best kind of Prince. The Prince that believes what you believe and is not unequally yoked. I will support his passions as well. God will bring us together physically and emotionally through His Word. With him anything will be possible. He will make me feel like I can do anything in the world. So where is he? Where is this man I long to know? This man that will change my life? Is he out there? Am I too late?

Oh how I long to know this man. To spend my life dreaming with him. To have one adventure after another for 50+ years. To raise a family with him. To own a home and put our style into it. To grow old with him.

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go creating oneself endlessly.

Wow, how a year can change a person. During the first four years of college I wanted so badly to have a social life and lots of friends. I tried to find organizations to be involved in. I even got suspended from school by being more concerned in having a social life than in studying.

When I moved last May, having a social life was pretty low on the priority scale. I was more concerned with trying to find a job and make some money. And even as I've been back at my parents' house I haven't worried about having a social life. Mostly because the people my age who live in my hometown are okay with staying in one small town for the rest of their life instead of spreading their wings and seeing the world. Now, I'm realizing that having lots of friends is not a necessity to survive in life.

The friends that are important are the ones who are there for me. The ones who make an effort. The ones who have been there this past year. The ones I would do anything for.

Today, I was on facebook and I saw a status update from somebody who hung out where I hung out the semester before I got suspended. His status said something about Disney. I was going to tell him that I'm in Orlando too. Then, when I asked if he was at Disney he gave me a smart butt answer. As a nanny, I'm not a fan of smart butt answers no matter who it comes from.  And, it made me realize just how much older than the kids that I hang out where I hung out before I got suspended I really am. I didn't realize how much younger they were when I was there, when I was hanging out there all the time. They seemed nice. Now, they just seem like immature underclassmen.

So to those of you who worry something is wrong with you because you don't have a huge social life. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not weird. You are not a freak. Don't listen to what the world tells you. You will never find fulfillment in human relationships. I encourage you to reach out to Jesus. He has bigger plans for you than you could ever have for yourself. Let him come into your life and change you. Let Him show you who He wants you to be. To Him, you are perfect just the way you are.

Through the journey of the past year.

I'm sitting at my friend's house in Orlando where I should be having a grand time and just focusing on the here and now. And I am having a marvelous time. I've only been here one day, but I can already tell my week is gonna be fabulous. But instead of thinking on the here and now, I can't help but think about what I was going through this time last year.  On this day 1 year ago I was packing boxes to move. I was getting ready to move away from the first place my heart had truly called home. And on May 20,2011 I moved out of my 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment with a great roommate into a home where the bathroom was smaller than the one in my apartment, the door wouldn't open all the way, it bumped the toilet, that's how small the bathroom I used was. I quit school to move in and be a live in nanny to a family of 5. At the time I thought it was what I was suppose to do. It was the first time I had felt God's peace in a long time. I had not had any luck finding a job where I was living, and when this opportunity came along it just felt right, I could feel God's peace. And for a while it was really good. It was the first time in a long time I was not suffering with being unhappy. The kids I kept made me happy. And then I even found a part time live out position where I babysat an 18 month old little boy. He was a joy to keep just as much as the children I lived with were. And the family I lived with were strong Christians, and put God first in their lives. But sometimes I felt inferior because I'm human. It was hard rebuilding my relationship with God. It seemed like when I would have intimate time with God it didn't always stick. And, I couldn't find a church that felt like home. The church that I had moved from, I had been heavily involved, I knew from the first time I set foot in there that I was suppose to be there and that was where God wanted me. But, none of the churches I visited when I moved felt like home, none of them fit. And sometimes the reason may have seemed small to somebody else, but the church that I go to is not something I am willing to settle on. I think I have a right to be knit picky about church. Because to me the church I am suppose to be in, is the one where God tells me to stay. Before I moved I lived less than a mile away from my best friend. On May 20, I moved an hour and a half away from her. She had been there for me when nobody else was. She listened when I needed someone to rant to. She was there when I felt alone. I could quote a song lyric or a quote and she would know the underlying meaning to why that particular quote or song lyric was on my mind. And all of a sudden I wasn't 3 minutes away anymore. Our talks went from seeing each other and talking every week  to catching up once a month or so. But I couldn't talk like that when I moved. The place where I moved didn't always get that I needed to talk. They didn't dig it out of me. They didn't understand what my song lyrics meant or that they even meant anything at all. It just made me miss my best friend more. And then a little bit before December I was told my time there was coming to an end. So, in December 2011 I moved back in with my parents for the first time in 4 years. Where I had been happy for the first time in a long time when I moved in May, and felt peace, that wasn't the case in this situation. I didn't feel any peace about moving back in with my parents. And, when I moved in May I had started taking pictures passionately again. When I moved back to my parents house I did good if I took one picture a month, instead of the 10 or more pictures a day I was taking. I moved back to a town of less than 20,000 people with no job opportunities and no churches that believe what I believe. It was hard enough for me to get out the first time I left. That town is like a black whole, it sucks people in. Or people think it's okay to be stuck there. They think it's a grand place to live even though there's no jobs, you have to drive at least an hour just to go shop or go to Sam's or Target. The Walmart inventory is ridiculous. When I had left 4 years ago I moved to a town that had a lot more places to eat less than 10 minutes away, it had plenty of places to shop, and God showed me the church where He wanted me to call home, who my spiritual family would be. And to this day, that pastor is still one of my absolute favorite pastors. Because He preaches the Word of God. You can hear the passion in his voice when he preaches, and you know what he preaches is really God speaking through him. He emphasized the importance of an intimate relationship with God. He didn't worry about stepping on toes. He preached God's Word!!!! And when I moved back in with my parents I started struggling spiritually again. I couldn't find a church that believed what I believe. I would try to rebuild my relationship with God and than would backtrack after a frustration would occur. I've been back at my parents house for 5 months now. And, it's been one big emotional roller coaster. And I am still struggling. And, I love my parents, but I hate telling people that I live with my parents. Because to people who don't know me, they probably think I'm a naive little spoiled little brat whose never lived away from home. Yall know the stereotype, right? But, I have lived away from home. I can do a lot of things on my own, that those who have never lived away from home can't do. I can do a lot of things that most women, mostly those of the baby boomer age, can't or won't do. Those things like put gas in your car or check the oil in your car or grill a steak.

 But, I have learned a lot in the last year also. I have learned that being socially active is really not all that important and not a life necessity. I have also learned how to be self disciplined. Something I needed before I quit school. Now, I'm getting ready to go back to school after being out of the classroom for almost 18 months. And this time around, I'll be there to study first and foremost. And then I will go wherever God sends me. I've had some people here lately I shouldn't move more than6 hours away and other limitations like that. You can't put God in a box like that. God's not gonna send you somewhere just because that's where somebody else wants you to be. It's about where God wants you to be. And no matter what you're relationship with God is like, that's something that really nobody but you and God can understand. He has different ways of speaking to us, even if it's been months since we've spent time with Him. He still knows how to get you to listen, and how to tell you where you need to be. And I've had some people tell me that they think I should do a career that I really have no interest in. They think I would enjoy it because it involves computers and they think that because sometimes I like to be on the computer and on the net that I would enjoy working on computers. I have no interest in doing a desk job, that sounds like the most mundane and boring job ever. Well, maybe I can sleep now. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.