This is the stuff You use.

As I sit in the breakroom at work every day. God tests my faith. When coworkers very heavily vocalize their disbelief in God and His Word. Whether it's the life of an unborn child, or the marriage of two people. Just to name a couple points. I sit there and wonder "am I Peter?" I just sit there and feel helpless.

Every day  I continue to go into work and wonder, "why am I even here?" "Why am I working alongside people who hate my Father?" "Why did I leave a place where I was surrounded by so many Godly brothers and sisters who encouraged me, supported me, lifted me up, and cared about my walk with the Lord?"

Almost two years later, and I'm finally starting to make a life for myself. My close friends know what I believe. Even my friends who don't necessarily agree with what I believe respect what I believe. But what about my coworkers, the people I see everyday, the people I work with? Do they see Jesus in me? 

"I wanna look like love. Be more than just enough. For the hearts that are broken, coming undone."

Moving to a new place can be scary. Away from your friends, your family, and all that's familiar to you. I've been in Orlando for just over a year now. I'm finally starting to build a life for myself. I'm building new relationships. Starting over. Finding out who I am. It hasn't been easy though.

I've watched my colleagues who started around the same time I did build lifelong relationships with their full heart.  Just last week I took one of my friends to the airport so she could return home after being down here for just one week. Just in that one week she poured her heart into the people she met. And here I am, reluctant to dive into relationships with my full heart. I've discovered that my security walls are thicker than I thought they were. And have been up long before I even noticed that I put up walls. I am very cautious and very guarded when jumping into relationships. I only let you see what I want you to see. I keep you on the surface. In the year that I've been down here I've tried to work on stripping those walls down completely. I'm finding it's not that easy. 

My best friend of 14 years calls my walls my "security blanket". I never knew she even noticed my walls until here just recently. I never even noticed that I kept people at a distance until I was in college, just 5 years ago. And my coworkers can see them too. They don't understand why they're there. But they see them. These walls are not healthy, they're a hindrance. Is it really possible to permanently strip them away? To strip them away without rebuilding them every time somebody hurts me? 

How do I build this life? How do I pour my heart into relationships without the fear of rejection, criticism, or any other pain causing emotion? 

Depression is real folks. How you treat people shapes who they become. The words you say linger in their minds for years to come.

"You will be hated by all nations because of Me."

I work for a company with a union heavy environment. I am not a member of any union, nor do I have any desire to be a part of a union. Here recently I put a status on FB as to why I don't like unions. Two of my coworkers, both supporters of unions, commented as to why they thought unions were good. One of them said that unions protect people from being persecuted. This got me to thinking.

I'm already persecuted every day. It's 2014, where more and more things in our country are changing. I am a 27 year old pro life, God-fearing, heterosexual conservative. I live according to God's Word and try to do His will. I'm persecuted every day for this. In a time where cohabitation with your significant other but not your spouse is okay, where atheists and homosexuals are trying to take our rights away just so they can have rights of their own, where sex before marriage is normal.

Of course I'm persecuted for this. I am today's minority. I struggle with this every day. In a company with more than 75,000 employees it's hard to find ones to build spiritual community with. I hear the way my coworkers mock God and Christianity. In a time in my life where I should be ready to stop being so guarded and let my walls down to others around me, I can't.

I can't let my walls down. I can't tell them what God's doing in my life. I can't tell them how I can hear God's voice and feel His presence constantly around me. I can't tell them how He gives me the strength and patience to get through the long days and to handle the grumpy guests. I can't tell them anything about who I am because that's all silly nonsense to them. They can't understand any of that. They think it's all a joke.

All Life is an Experiment, The More Experiments You Make the Better.

The time has finally come. In less than 24 hours I will put on my cap and gown and walk that aisle to get my degree. It's been a long journey getting here. But it's not over yet. This is just the beginning. One day, I may be completely content with my education. Until that day comes though, I will continue to advance my education. These future advanced degrees include finishing my Bachelor's degree and hopefully a Master's degree. Even then, my education will still not be complete. There is something to new to learn in every day.

With as excited as I am to finally be receiving my first college degree, I'm just as scared. I'm just one summer away from entering the real world. Boxes will soon take over my bedroom, as I start to pack away my life. Then, I will make that 12 hour drive to begin the next chapter of my life.

Life is full of many adventures. Some are fun and exciting. Some are terrifying. But each adventure we encounter in our life makes us more of who we're suppose to be. God teaches us through our adventures. I'm ready to see what God has in store for me for this next adventure.

Packing List

With less than one month until graduation and a little less than three months after that until I move into my new apartment at Disney World it won't be long until my bedroom will be taken over by boxes full of all my stuff. With half of that stuff I will be taking with me in August. And the other half I will come back and get in January, when I will hopefully be a permanent Cast Member.

Oh what do I need? What do I need?
I know most of my days will be spent working. But, I don't plan on spending my off days stuck cooped inside the apartment. There's so many things I want to do. When I'm not working I will either be playing in one of the parks, at the pool, exploring Orlando, or exploring Florida.

Here's a few of the things I will need to pack:

1. T-shirts
2. Tank tops
3. Dresses
4. Shorts
5. Yellowbox Flip flops
6. Black trousers, for Traditions and Seminars 
7. Grey trousers, for Traditions and Seminars 
8. Button up tops 
9. Business casual attire
10. Jeans
11. Khaki pants
12. Black flats
13. Workout clothes
14. Bathingsuits
15. Towels
16. Work eligibility documents
17. Computer modem for internet
18. Ethernet cable
19. Bedding (I will probably just use my old bedding that I had when I lived in the dorm)
20. Computer, charger, and sleeve
21. Camera, charger, memory cards, and camera bag 
22. Tennis racket
23. Tennis shoes

I can't decide whether I want to take my Disney movies or not. I've started "collecting" the Disney movies as they come out on Blu Ray. So, all my Disney movies are in Blu Ray. Any others in the house that may not be in Blu Ray are my parents' copies. I don't think I want to take my Blu Ray player, at least not for the Disney College Program. Because disconnecting devices such as those are usually really tough and involve a whole lot of wires. I really prefer to only do it once. Sometime in October or November I will start the process to be a permanent Cast Member. So, before I even pack up the stuff I will take with me in August I will box up everything else of mine in my bedroom, in the garage, and in storage shed. Yes, we have more stuff than will fit in our house. 

This stuff includes: 

1. All my reading books (Nicholas Sparks, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Harry Potter, photography books etc.)
2. Any of the movies I won't take down in August
3. Any clothes that I won't take down in August 
4. My papasan chair
5. And anything else that might be left

It's going to be a long summer.

Dreams Really Do Come True

"Tomorrow will be better for as long as America keeps the ideals of freedom and a better    life. " 

                    - Walt Disney

It's been just a little over a year since I got back from my trip to Walt Disney World with my family. I remember talking to my dad about how awesome it would be to work there. And how to be able to work there, we couldn't think of any other job I would need. I came home and started looking at their job openings. I love photography and have always dreamed of doing something with photography. I had no luck getting a job straight through the openings. At that time I was just ready to get back on my own. I returned to school in March after being out for a year and a half.

Well, here I am sitting here as I live and breathe with some pretty exciting news. On February 8,2013 I applied to the Disney College Program. The Disney College Program is a paid internship where you get live just a few miles from Walt Disney World in their housing. And you are given the opportunity to live and work with people from all over the world. I had my phone interview on February 16. Just one week after I completed my application and web based interview.The wait from the time I completed my application until time for my phone interview felt like so much more than just a week. There was nothing I could but wait after that point. Just wait for a response. My response came four days later. Those four days felt longer than the week between submitting my application and having my phone interview. On February 20th my response came. I had gone to lunch with my family at our favorite cheeseburger place in town. I came home from lunch and I finally had an email from Disney. I got accepted!!!!

I've sat down to write this update at least three previous times. Words just can't do it justice. I can't tell yall how excited I am. I'm so beyond thrilled to venture out on this new journey and see what God has in store for me next. Oh my goodness!!!!!! I'm moving to Disney World. This is just the beginning. Growing up is exciting and scary at the same time. The scary part is when I add up the expenses and the income. I know I'm going to be pinching pennies for a little while. But that's okay. You gotta start somewhere and work your way up. Not everybody can start out on top. I will do my best to keep yall updated on everything at Disney.

Please keep me in your prayers as I take a leap of faith and start the next chapter of my life. :)

Preserving Memories One Moment, One Trip, One Milestone at a Time

I'm finally starting to make some progress on my scrapbook for my two trips to Disney World last year. I went by Hobby Lobby yesterday to pick up a few last pieces. It's really starting to come together now.     While I was there I found so many good pieces and ideas for the gifts I want to make for the parents of my students at the end of each year. A gift to say thank you for letting me teach their children.

Parents of infants get to enjoy firsts such as the first time to sit up on their own, the first time to roll over on their own, the first taste of solid foods, first time to crawl, first steps, and so many other firsts that infants experience during the first year of life. Working parents or parents of toddlers don't get to enjoy those firsts as much. Just because they have to work doesn't mean they should feel left out. They will be trusting me as their child's teacher. They deserve to know what's going on in the class. And what better way to show what's going on in their child's class and what they have learned throughout the year than by a scrapbook that they can enjoy for years to come? A scrapbook that through photos and notes explains to the parents their child's progress and their interests. Moments and milestones such as various moments in the dramatic play center of their child dressing up as a mail carrier, a pilot, a construction worker, a cosmetologist, a doctor, a teller, a dentist, or a baker. Moments such as their child writing their name or various letters of the alphabet in sand. And the so many other moments their child will enjoy during the year.

Just because the parents have to work doesn't mean they should feel left out. They should feel like an extended member of the class. Their children will only be that age for a short time. So, even once their child is grown they can pull out that gift and relive their child being in  preschool. An heirloom they can cherish for many many years.