"I wanna look like love. Be more than just enough. For the hearts that are broken, coming undone."

Moving to a new place can be scary. Away from your friends, your family, and all that's familiar to you. I've been in Orlando for just over a year now. I'm finally starting to build a life for myself. I'm building new relationships. Starting over. Finding out who I am. It hasn't been easy though.

I've watched my colleagues who started around the same time I did build lifelong relationships with their full heart.  Just last week I took one of my friends to the airport so she could return home after being down here for just one week. Just in that one week she poured her heart into the people she met. And here I am, reluctant to dive into relationships with my full heart. I've discovered that my security walls are thicker than I thought they were. And have been up long before I even noticed that I put up walls. I am very cautious and very guarded when jumping into relationships. I only let you see what I want you to see. I keep you on the surface. In the year that I've been down here I've tried to work on stripping those walls down completely. I'm finding it's not that easy. 

My best friend of 14 years calls my walls my "security blanket". I never knew she even noticed my walls until here just recently. I never even noticed that I kept people at a distance until I was in college, just 5 years ago. And my coworkers can see them too. They don't understand why they're there. But they see them. These walls are not healthy, they're a hindrance. Is it really possible to permanently strip them away? To strip them away without rebuilding them every time somebody hurts me? 

How do I build this life? How do I pour my heart into relationships without the fear of rejection, criticism, or any other pain causing emotion? 

Depression is real folks. How you treat people shapes who they become. The words you say linger in their minds for years to come.