"This is the stuff that drives me crazy....This is the stuff You use"

For about three months I have been trying to make one of the biggest decisions of my life. It's a decision nobody else can make for me. I can ask for advice from others to hear their point of view. But, ultimately the decision is up to me. The decision will be determined by what God tells me.

The deadline for this decision is looming closer. And as the deadline nears I get more scared and more stressed. I'm scared I won't make the right decision. A part of me is scared the outcome I want won't be the right outcome. I have heard one additional viewpoint. And as time gets closer it is very obvious how they feel . Usually, it doesn't bother me that I don't have friends here. Because unlike most of the residents in this town I don't plan to live here for the next sixty or seventy years. I do not want to raise my children here. This is a beautiful town. With beautiful scenes filled with God's presence. But there are 49 other states in this country. And I don't want to be somewhere just because it's safe. Or because I know the people in the town. But here lately, I have wished desperately I had somebody to talk to. Somebody to confirm I'm doing the right thing. Somebody who can look at the situation objectively without biases.

Until last week everything seemed so up in the air. And than last Friday things started to fall into place. At least I thought they were starting to fall into place. Now, I'm not so sure. And, I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to feel pressured into one decision. But I don't want to feel like I'm doing this out of defiance. I want to do the right thing.

I thought I had felt God's peace assuring me of what He wanted me to do. But, God hasn't provided the last piece of the puzzle. The piece that will give me a way to support a way to live. A job. There are no words to describe how stressful this process has been. This is not a "I'm stressed about one or two classes in school". No, this is one decision with about 10 "sub decisions". And it really annoys me when somebody tries to put school on the same level as this. It's a whole different ball game.

I hope that peace I feel is not just me wanting it a certain way. I hope that really is God's peace. I hope that last piece of the puzzle shows up before August 15.